Author Archives: gregflopez

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About gregflopez

I'm a traveler, independent business owner and I enjoy solo motorcycling and mountain biking. I like snow skiing when I get a chance and I'm here to share some experience.

No strings attached

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With the new year I have been considering my friendships and deciding on any changes I should make.  I’ve made some reductions in friends where I felt the relationship wasn’t equitable, in the sense that I felt I was putting in much more into the relationship than I was getting.  And I am having trouble with the relationship with my best friend; we are in non-speaking terms right now.  And this brings me to the subject of gifts and gift-giving.  

I’m not particularly pro gift-giving.  I in fact hate it.  I hate giving objects as gifts and to some degree, receiving them.  It’s almost never something I truly want, and having to give gifts stresses me because I want to always give the perfect gift but I know I won’t… probably.  That’s why I said “giving objects as gifts” is what I hate, and not gifts themselves.  But I’d rather give experiences, spend time with someone, rather than give them something.  I think buying stuff fuels consumerism, but that’s a different story for a different day.  Right now I want to concentrate on gifts and friendships.

I think that is one is to give a gift to someone, it should be with no.  strings. attached.  Period.  If you give someone something, they should be free to do whatever they want with it.  They can throw it in the trash, regift it, keep it, sell it, whatever.  I know this is probably not a common or popular stance on my part, but it is how I feel about it.  And this leads me to the relationship with my best friend.  Some time ago she gave me a gift that I didn’t ask for and don’t particularly like, so it just sits in a drawer somewhere.  My nephew, as I found out, might like and appreciate this item much more than I so I thought it would be great to pass on this gift to him.  I asked my best friend (the one who gave me the gift) if it would be okay if I gave it to my nephew.  The result was… unpredictable to me (but likely predictable to many).   She became really upset and told me a few things that I didn’t appreciate and now we’re in non-speaking terms as a result.  Now, granted, it is possible that some of these things had been brewing in her mind for a while and this situation presented a perfect opportunity for her to let them all out, but I can’t help feel that this result cements my belief that gifts should be given with no strings attached.  

Another friend (more of an acquaintance, really) is someone whose friendship I’d been re-considering because I felt she was taking more advantage of my friendship than giving back.  So I’d been considering moving further away from her.  For Christmas, she said she had “something small for me” (she knows how I feel about gifts) and “could I come to her house to get it”.  She lives about an hour from me, given traffic conditions so I expected that I would use up some 4-6 hours in going to get this “gift”.  One hour there, one hour back, and invariably, she’d have something for me to help her with plus the social pleasantries… four hours.  Needless to say, I was not moved by the offer.  Why am I going to give up 4 hours of my time to go get something I don’t want?  I feel that when you give a gift, it should not create a burden on the recipient.  In this case, if she wanted to give me a gift, she could bring it to me or give it to me when we see each other at some social event or whatever; not ask me to drive to her house to get it.  Anyway, I appreciated the gesture and have made some excuses as to why I can’t go to her house, and now I think she’s got the message and has stopped calling me also.  

I’m two for two.

So, what next?  I dunno.  I’m not going to change my mind about gifts or gift-giving.  I just need to find someone who understands that and can accept it, and so I can also accept her… no strings attached.

It stands to reason.

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That’s a thought that happens inside my head quite often.  Not necessarily verbalized exactly as such, but in some indirect form.  I think of it as “having common sense”, which, as I have found out, is not very common.  Some things that for me are quite logical and obvious, to others are not.  I suppose that there are things that to some are logical, but are not to me.  Who’s to say who’s right or wrong?  Of course, in my mind, I think I’m right.  Thus, there are some things that may make sense to me but not others.  I’ll start with: It stands to reason that…

…when you consume more calories than you burn, you will gain weight.

…if you consume less calories than you burn, you will lose weight.

…if you spend more money than you make, you will eventually get into debt that you cannot repay.

…if you want to speak to someone about something, you should express that desire, and then speak it.

…”comfort food” serves for short-term comfort, but long-term discomfort.

…a fuel-efficient car will consume more fuel than an inefficient car if you drive the fuel efficient car more.

…you can’t see electricity, but it’s there, so it’s like magic.

…sending checks in the mail will eventually result in one or more of them getting lost.

…the value you place on an object will always be different than the value someone places on the same object.

…human nature is difficult and hard to predict, though analyzing patterns will lessen the chance of predictability error.

…if you read a lot of books, you must also like to write… but I’m finding out that readers aren’t really good writers.

…a reader is a consumer of content, a writer a producer of content.

…having money available to you to spend has the potential of increasing your happiness quotient.

… not having money often, but not always, results in a lower happiness quotient.

… I sweat, therefore I am hot.

…countering an argument with an implausible analogy is not a well-reasoned argument.

…offering analogies best suited to the listener makes the point clearer.

…school makes you smarter, book-wise.

…you have to spend money to make money.

There are many others, but I’ll stop at these.

It’s the layers in between.

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I think that we often see the things that catch our senses.  Things we see, touch, feel, smell, etc…  This perception paints the way we see the world.  But as I’m finding out, it is the things that we sometimes fill in the layers in between that have the greatest effect on us.  Often, it is not what people tell us but rather what they keep to themselves that allow us to discover their true meaning and intent.  It is not what happens in a relationship, but the growth or change we experience as a result before embarking on a new relationship.  It’s not the friends we have in the times of plenty, but the friends we have when we have a time of need.  When we lack the distractions of the world, such as the sounds, music, job, duties, accomplishments, relationships; it is then that we can concentrate on the inner us and get a true sense of who we are.  It is not the cake, but the layers in between that give it the flavor and texture.  It is that texture of life that we gather when we’re not distracted by what we call “life” itself.