I’m often asked for advice on stuff and I try my hardest not to give anyone advice, for many reasons which I won’t go into in this blog (but will on others, so stay tuned).  One thing that keeps coming up when you give advice or opinions (which are the same, really, it just depends on whether you are asked for your opinion or if you give your opinion of your own initiative) is the criticism of me from the “advice-receiver”.  That is, that they feel you’re either unqualified for or cannot relate to them and so your advice is not valued.  Mind you, this only happens when you’re not confirming their opinion already; if you’re giving a dissenting opinion.  Of course, if you’re just affirming what they believe, there is no friction at all.  Let me expand on what I mean.

Sometimes I give opinion on something my brothers do as they raise their kids.  For example, if the kids are constantly being fed junk food and candy, I tell them that it’s probably not a good idea; that they should try to teach their kids to eat healthy.  Of course, this opinion is often met with a “you don’t have any kids, so that makes you unqualified to give any advice about kids”.  As if common sense isn’t enough.  Other times, someone has a lot of trivial things on their mind and it’s making them crazy and mentally-blocked so they can’t move forward.  So you give them advice on how to handle the situation; just ignore the trivial stuff and buck up and make the hard decisions.  “Oh, but you don’t understand; you have no empathy for other people and so you can’t relate to what I’m feeling and that disqualifies you from giving me advice on the matter”.  

It’s like, in people’s minds, someone who isn’t in their same situation can’t be qualified to give them advice.  Or sometimes you ARE in their same situation, and that disqualifies you from giving them advice, because, if your advice were any good, you’d not be in that same situation yourself.  You can’t win.  So when people seek advice or opinions, more that anything they’re looking for confirmation of what they already believe or know.  And your advice in that situation is pretty much worthless.

And don’t get me started on those times you give advice to people, especially if it’s complex advice, and they only do part of what you tell them (the easy part) and don’t do the hard parts, and when it blows up in their face, they blame you for following your advice.  And so, can you relate?  How do you handle when someone ask you for your “honest opinion” or for “advice on something”?  Do you just give them a kind confirmation of what they want to hear, or do you give them your actual opinion and risk alienating them?