(this is from a blog post dated February 13, 2011)

Life seems to be getting more and more confusing for me.  Maybe I should explain that.  As I get older, I find more things to think about; specifically, about whether I’m a person destined to live a married life.  I did some introspecting and I came to the conclusion that I am a married guy type.  I think I was destined to get married and grow old with someone.

That seems to be the conventional way of thinking, but two things I heard today caused me to pause and reflect.  I should add that I also had this conversation with my wife last night (Saturday, Friday 12th – I know the date does not match to the entry) as we were driving back home from our “date”.  I mentioned to her that I believe my natural state is one of being married.  I could not have said that a few years ago before I met her.  I think 10 or 15 years ago I was enjoying life and I didn’t think about being the “married guy”.  But it happened, I’m glad it did, and now I think I’m in that stage.  

I should explain what I mean by “married” v. “single” guys.  Married guys have a certain personality that allows them to couple with a woman.  We are one-woman men, and we are most handy around the house.  We also consider relationships with women to be long-term.  There are many single men out there who are destined to be married, just waiting for the right one to come along.  Conversely, there are lots of single who just want to stay single because they enjoy single life so much.  There are also married single men.  These are the guys who marry but are always looking at other women.  They just happened to marry someone who either accepts their “transgressions” or is strong enough for the both of them and keeps them in check.  But left alone in the wild, these guys find single life more comfortable.  They like to flirt with other women, go out and party, and drive fast cars or bikes.  

This morning on CBS Sunday Morning I saw a story on how many more men and women are remaining single.  The figure was something like 59%; that’s almost half the population.  So it seems that remaining single, for whatever reason, is very culturally accepted for us.  On the other token, the business of weddings is booming.  How to explain that?  It seems that many people are marrying more than once, and sometimes ultimately finding that single life is more to their liking.  

At church, this morning’s message on the homily had to do with adultery.  According to the bible, if a man divorces his wife and causes her to commit adultery, he is an adulterer as well.  I didn’t understand this part, and maybe I got it wrong but that’s what I remember the message being.  Also, according to the bible you’re not to even look at another woman with desire because that is committing adultery.  And one can’t marry a divorced woman because that’s adultery as well.  It seems that most anything you do if it’s not having sex with just the one woman in your entire life is considered adultery.  And adultery’s a sin.

So I’m left wondering who I am.  First, I’m a person with needs.  I have needed the companionship of women ever since I can remember.  I haven’t usually been able to identify with them, talk straight with them, understand them, communicate with them, hear them, watch them, desire them, and all other sorts of things you do to/with women.  But I have always known that I am meant to be with one of them.  My mother had a lot to do with it, I guess.  So that’s my nature.  Second, I’m also a religious person and I agree about what the church believes as it regards to adultery.  I wish I had the one woman and that I was happy with her for my entire life.  But I cannot control how she or any other woman would feel about it.  And society and culture are powerful forces which guide our decisions.  Because of that, I’ve not been able to make good decisions that allow me to stay with one woman.  In the end, I’m pretty sure I want and need to be with a woman.  I’m a “married” guy.  I’ve been single, then married, then single again, then married, then separated.  But I know in the end I’m meant to be with one person to grow old with.  Here’s hoping.