Monthly Archives: January 2022

Fly cheaply

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My friends are often flummoxed by how cheaply I’m able to travel.  There really isn’t a big secret, I tell them, just some common-sense rules… however, for some reason, people aren’t very keen on following these simple rules, and as a result, cannot seem to travel so cheaply.  Here are some examples of flights I have taken, and their cost, for a round-trip flight:  MIA-PVG $395, MIA-PHX $88, DFW-SYD $450, MIA-MXP $380…. Anyway, there are a lot of ways to travel cheaply, but today I’m just going to focus on flights and how to get better prices.

Firstly, and I cannot emphasize this enough, you have to be FLEXIBLE.  This means you can pick the days you travel far in advance, 1-2 months for domestic travel, 1-4 months for international.  This is by far the biggest issue people have because of their availability and feasibility of taking time off.  Often, you will have to travel mid-week. It helps if you don’t have a 9-to-5 with limited time-off options.

Secondly, you have to be COMMITTED.  This means choosing a place, flight, hotel, etc… and STICKING TO IT.  You cannot be wishy-washy about it.  You’ll get the best deal when you book and sometimes pre-pay, but you CANNOT CHANGE YOUR MIND.  This seems like an easy one for me, but, apparently, it’s very difficult for many people to do what they said they were going to do.  If you’re traveling in a group, EVERYONE needs to be committed, otherwise, don’t do it.

Thirdly, use the Google Flights website, learn all the tools available for you to search.  One I especially like is the “explore” function, where you can just move around the globe and look at pricing.  This is a great way to discover new destinations that you otherwise hadn’t thought about.

Lastly, especially for international travel, have all your documents updated and ready.  Especially during and after the pandemic.  Trying to update your passport or some other document will take ages and will cause you to miss your flights.  Also, make sure you are able to travel where you want to go; check your visa requirements, etc, etc…

This is just an extremely short and simple summary of what you need to do to book cheap fares.  There are many other considerations that will allow you to save money, and they all start with your flight selection.  Things like arrival or departure times (can you reach your hotel via a $5 metro fare, or will you have to shell out on a $50 cab ride because you arrived at 1AM?).  Or did you buy the cheapo fare and now you have to pay for carry-on luggage or checked bags (don’t forget the return trip!) when you could have bought a more expensive fare on another airline but bags are included?  Consider the cost of the ENTIRE trip, not just the flights.  I’ll cover more details on other aspects of traveling on another blog.  Happy traveling!

Missed connections

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Stop me if you’ve heard this one before:  You’ve been on a trip, enjoyed new sights and experiences, and have throughly enjoyed yourself.  It’s the night before your return day and you go out to have some dinner or something and take in the sights and sounds of the place you’ve been for the last few days one last time, and then you meet someone.  And you hit it off. She’s (or he) funny, she gets you.  You don’t exactly know where the connection might lead but you know she’s open to exploring the city with you.  Problem is, it’s your last day there and tomorrow you’re flying back home.  What do you do?

Or, likewise, it’s the night before a long trip,  It can be for business or pleasure, no matter.  But you meet someone and you feel like you hit it off and you want to pursue it to see where it goes.  But you’re leaving for an extended time tomorrow, and the only way to keep in touch is to get her number and text and/or call while you’re away.  This has happened a few times, so you already know what’s going to happen.  The first day or so, you text back and forth, as much as the time difference and situations allow.  But then the texts get sparser and less frequent, there are calls but not enough to keep the connection going.  And a few days before your return, you’re down to almost no communication; it has withered away.  Had you been in the city, you could have gone out for coffee, spent some face time with the person, and really nurtured the possible connection.  But because you left right after you met her, it was like a dying plant from the get-go; you couldn’t keep it from withering away.  

That is one of the realities of the frequent traveler.  If anyone has any ideas that are not the expected advice such as “make it a point to call every day”, or “make her feel special by sending flowers whilst you’re away” or whatever, then please post them.  There is one big factor at work here, in that BOTH people need to want the connection to work really badly; and in my example, only one person knows they want it, but you can’t be sure what the other person wants.

Going solo

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I looked up “introversion” on Wiki, one of my constant sources of information, and determined that, whereas I have some introvert qualities, I also have some extroversion in me.  It sounds like I’m psycho-analyzing myself, and I am, but it’s for a purpose.  The purpose is to understand what is going on as I travel the world solo.

There are definite advantages of traveling solo.  You move at your own speed.  You do what you want to do, when you want to do it.  It’s easier to clear customs and you can take more less-traveled routes (this takes into consideration if you’re traveling with a woman).  But socially, there are disadvantages.   It’s harder to have someone take your picture.  And you tend to take more pictures of things and less of people next to things.  Some people look at you funny and wonder why you are alone.  You also feel funny being alone and not be able to share your thoughts about the things you’re seeing with anyone.  That’s probably the biggest disappointment.  

Being an introvert traveling alone can be difficult.  According to the definition, these are the things I have that would fit the definition of introversion:

– Gain energy when alone, lose energy when with others.

– Have little interest, but any interest they show can be high.

– Consider only deep relationships with others as “true friendship” (I take this to mean that introverts don’t develop superficial friendships)

– Need silence to concentrate, do not like when they are interrupted.

– Are better than extroverts in coping with tasks requiring attention.

– Find it easier to read than with conversation with others.

– Work at the same level regardless of whether they are praised or not.

– Have difficulty remembering names and faces.

– Take pleasure in solo activities.

– Tend to be more reserved and less outspoken in large groups.

– Are more analytical before speaking.

– Tend to acknowledge more readily their psychological needs and problems.

– Are the mostly misunderstood for being arrogant, social outcast, or even freaks; they may be shy or reserved but not antisocial.

There are others which I don’t fit, so let’s say for the sake of argument that I am not 100% introverted.  Still, I feel that I’m in an introverted role when traveling alone.  I must be, otherwise I won’t cope well with the lack of a partner.  It’s not such a bad thing; I was born without a partner and likely die without one.  It’s not that I wish it, it’s just that it’s unlikely that my eventual partner and I will succumb to death at exactly the same time.  I guess it will be better if I go first, but then I’ll feel really bad leaving her alone.  If she goes first, I’ll be lonely and likely die within a short time.  Again, I’m not wishing this, it’s just what researchers say happens.  

When I read this some time in the future, I’ll think that I’m crazy for putting these thoughts down on paper.  I’m sure I’ll be more an extrovert at some point and look back at this seemingly dark period in my life.  But it’s the dark periods in your life that make you appreciate the light ones.  Who knows where I’ll be and who I’ll be with.  It’s elemental and (unstoppable) that I will be somewhere else, but not with someone else.  Just as it is impossible to change who I’ll be.

Married guys v. Single guys

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(this is from a blog post dated February 13, 2011)

Life seems to be getting more and more confusing for me.  Maybe I should explain that.  As I get older, I find more things to think about; specifically, about whether I’m a person destined to live a married life.  I did some introspecting and I came to the conclusion that I am a married guy type.  I think I was destined to get married and grow old with someone.

That seems to be the conventional way of thinking, but two things I heard today caused me to pause and reflect.  I should add that I also had this conversation with my wife last night (Saturday, Friday 12th – I know the date does not match to the entry) as we were driving back home from our “date”.  I mentioned to her that I believe my natural state is one of being married.  I could not have said that a few years ago before I met her.  I think 10 or 15 years ago I was enjoying life and I didn’t think about being the “married guy”.  But it happened, I’m glad it did, and now I think I’m in that stage.  

I should explain what I mean by “married” v. “single” guys.  Married guys have a certain personality that allows them to couple with a woman.  We are one-woman men, and we are most handy around the house.  We also consider relationships with women to be long-term.  There are many single men out there who are destined to be married, just waiting for the right one to come along.  Conversely, there are lots of single who just want to stay single because they enjoy single life so much.  There are also married single men.  These are the guys who marry but are always looking at other women.  They just happened to marry someone who either accepts their “transgressions” or is strong enough for the both of them and keeps them in check.  But left alone in the wild, these guys find single life more comfortable.  They like to flirt with other women, go out and party, and drive fast cars or bikes.  

This morning on CBS Sunday Morning I saw a story on how many more men and women are remaining single.  The figure was something like 59%; that’s almost half the population.  So it seems that remaining single, for whatever reason, is very culturally accepted for us.  On the other token, the business of weddings is booming.  How to explain that?  It seems that many people are marrying more than once, and sometimes ultimately finding that single life is more to their liking.  

At church, this morning’s message on the homily had to do with adultery.  According to the bible, if a man divorces his wife and causes her to commit adultery, he is an adulterer as well.  I didn’t understand this part, and maybe I got it wrong but that’s what I remember the message being.  Also, according to the bible you’re not to even look at another woman with desire because that is committing adultery.  And one can’t marry a divorced woman because that’s adultery as well.  It seems that most anything you do if it’s not having sex with just the one woman in your entire life is considered adultery.  And adultery’s a sin.

So I’m left wondering who I am.  First, I’m a person with needs.  I have needed the companionship of women ever since I can remember.  I haven’t usually been able to identify with them, talk straight with them, understand them, communicate with them, hear them, watch them, desire them, and all other sorts of things you do to/with women.  But I have always known that I am meant to be with one of them.  My mother had a lot to do with it, I guess.  So that’s my nature.  Second, I’m also a religious person and I agree about what the church believes as it regards to adultery.  I wish I had the one woman and that I was happy with her for my entire life.  But I cannot control how she or any other woman would feel about it.  And society and culture are powerful forces which guide our decisions.  Because of that, I’ve not been able to make good decisions that allow me to stay with one woman.  In the end, I’m pretty sure I want and need to be with a woman.  I’m a “married” guy.  I’ve been single, then married, then single again, then married, then separated.  But I know in the end I’m meant to be with one person to grow old with.  Here’s hoping.

No strings attached

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With the new year I have been considering my friendships and deciding on any changes I should make.  I’ve made some reductions in friends where I felt the relationship wasn’t equitable, in the sense that I felt I was putting in much more into the relationship than I was getting.  And I am having trouble with the relationship with my best friend; we are in non-speaking terms right now.  And this brings me to the subject of gifts and gift-giving.  

I’m not particularly pro gift-giving.  I in fact hate it.  I hate giving objects as gifts and to some degree, receiving them.  It’s almost never something I truly want, and having to give gifts stresses me because I want to always give the perfect gift but I know I won’t… probably.  That’s why I said “giving objects as gifts” is what I hate, and not gifts themselves.  But I’d rather give experiences, spend time with someone, rather than give them something.  I think buying stuff fuels consumerism, but that’s a different story for a different day.  Right now I want to concentrate on gifts and friendships.

I think that is one is to give a gift to someone, it should be with no.  strings. attached.  Period.  If you give someone something, they should be free to do whatever they want with it.  They can throw it in the trash, regift it, keep it, sell it, whatever.  I know this is probably not a common or popular stance on my part, but it is how I feel about it.  And this leads me to the relationship with my best friend.  Some time ago she gave me a gift that I didn’t ask for and don’t particularly like, so it just sits in a drawer somewhere.  My nephew, as I found out, might like and appreciate this item much more than I so I thought it would be great to pass on this gift to him.  I asked my best friend (the one who gave me the gift) if it would be okay if I gave it to my nephew.  The result was… unpredictable to me (but likely predictable to many).   She became really upset and told me a few things that I didn’t appreciate and now we’re in non-speaking terms as a result.  Now, granted, it is possible that some of these things had been brewing in her mind for a while and this situation presented a perfect opportunity for her to let them all out, but I can’t help feel that this result cements my belief that gifts should be given with no strings attached.  

Another friend (more of an acquaintance, really) is someone whose friendship I’d been re-considering because I felt she was taking more advantage of my friendship than giving back.  So I’d been considering moving further away from her.  For Christmas, she said she had “something small for me” (she knows how I feel about gifts) and “could I come to her house to get it”.  She lives about an hour from me, given traffic conditions so I expected that I would use up some 4-6 hours in going to get this “gift”.  One hour there, one hour back, and invariably, she’d have something for me to help her with plus the social pleasantries… four hours.  Needless to say, I was not moved by the offer.  Why am I going to give up 4 hours of my time to go get something I don’t want?  I feel that when you give a gift, it should not create a burden on the recipient.  In this case, if she wanted to give me a gift, she could bring it to me or give it to me when we see each other at some social event or whatever; not ask me to drive to her house to get it.  Anyway, I appreciated the gesture and have made some excuses as to why I can’t go to her house, and now I think she’s got the message and has stopped calling me also.  

I’m two for two.

So, what next?  I dunno.  I’m not going to change my mind about gifts or gift-giving.  I just need to find someone who understands that and can accept it, and so I can also accept her… no strings attached.

It stands to reason.

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That’s a thought that happens inside my head quite often.  Not necessarily verbalized exactly as such, but in some indirect form.  I think of it as “having common sense”, which, as I have found out, is not very common.  Some things that for me are quite logical and obvious, to others are not.  I suppose that there are things that to some are logical, but are not to me.  Who’s to say who’s right or wrong?  Of course, in my mind, I think I’m right.  Thus, there are some things that may make sense to me but not others.  I’ll start with: It stands to reason that…

…when you consume more calories than you burn, you will gain weight.

…if you consume less calories than you burn, you will lose weight.

…if you spend more money than you make, you will eventually get into debt that you cannot repay.

…if you want to speak to someone about something, you should express that desire, and then speak it.

…”comfort food” serves for short-term comfort, but long-term discomfort.

…a fuel-efficient car will consume more fuel than an inefficient car if you drive the fuel efficient car more.

…you can’t see electricity, but it’s there, so it’s like magic.

…sending checks in the mail will eventually result in one or more of them getting lost.

…the value you place on an object will always be different than the value someone places on the same object.

…human nature is difficult and hard to predict, though analyzing patterns will lessen the chance of predictability error.

…if you read a lot of books, you must also like to write… but I’m finding out that readers aren’t really good writers.

…a reader is a consumer of content, a writer a producer of content.

…having money available to you to spend has the potential of increasing your happiness quotient.

… not having money often, but not always, results in a lower happiness quotient.

… I sweat, therefore I am hot.

…countering an argument with an implausible analogy is not a well-reasoned argument.

…offering analogies best suited to the listener makes the point clearer.

…school makes you smarter, book-wise.

…you have to spend money to make money.

There are many others, but I’ll stop at these.

It’s the layers in between.

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I think that we often see the things that catch our senses.  Things we see, touch, feel, smell, etc…  This perception paints the way we see the world.  But as I’m finding out, it is the things that we sometimes fill in the layers in between that have the greatest effect on us.  Often, it is not what people tell us but rather what they keep to themselves that allow us to discover their true meaning and intent.  It is not what happens in a relationship, but the growth or change we experience as a result before embarking on a new relationship.  It’s not the friends we have in the times of plenty, but the friends we have when we have a time of need.  When we lack the distractions of the world, such as the sounds, music, job, duties, accomplishments, relationships; it is then that we can concentrate on the inner us and get a true sense of who we are.  It is not the cake, but the layers in between that give it the flavor and texture.  It is that texture of life that we gather when we’re not distracted by what we call “life” itself.